Navigating Collective Grief After The Birds Nest Tragedy in Buffalo
Introduction
Hundreds of people over the last two weeks have come forward to process their emotions around losing Ashli Gilmour, co-owner of the Birds Nest Circus Arts studio in Buffalo, NY. When tragedy strikes a community, the ripple effects are profound. Even if you weren’t directly impacted, you may feel the weight of sadness, fear, or helplessness. This is called collective grief: a shared mourning that arises when a community experiences loss together.
Collective grief can show up after natural disasters, acts of violence, sudden accidents, or even during times of political or cultural upheaval. In these moments, the fabric of our shared humanity feels torn, and we grieve not only what has been lost but also our sense of safety and belonging. After this accident, we haven’t just lost Ashli - we have lost a major institution of the community in the Birds Nest, which can feel destabilizing to folks for whom the Birds Nest was a major part of their daily or weekly routine.
How Collective Grief Affects Us
Grief doesn’t follow a straight line, and collective grief can feel especially complex. You may notice:
Overwhelm or numbness: Feeling everything all at once, or struggling to feel anything at all.
Increased anxiety or hypervigilance: A heightened sense of fear or uncertainty about the world or about activities that used to feel comfortable, like aerial.
Sadness or despair: Mourning the lives, safety, or sense of normalcy that has been lost.
Anger or frustration: Struggling with questions of justice, fairness, or “why this happened.” You might also feel angry or frustrated with the person who died, which can bring about feelings of guilt or shame.
A need for connection: Seeking comfort in rituals, vigils, conversations, or simply being with others who understand.
It’s important to remember that these responses are normal and human. Grief reflects the depth of our capacity to love and to care for one another.
Finding Support and Healing Together
Healing from collective grief often happens both individually and in community. Here are a few ways to support yourself and others during this time:
Allow your feelings: There is no “right way” to grieve. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, or even relief if you are safe.
Connect with others: Sharing stories, attending memorials, or simply being with loved ones can help you feel less alone.
Take care of your body: Rest, nourishment, and grounding activities can provide stability in the midst of emotional pain.
Engage in collective rituals: Whether spiritual or secular, rituals can bring meaning and comfort when words fall short.
Seek professional support: Therapy can provide a safe, steady space to process grief, especially when it feels too heavy to carry alone.
What Next?
Collective grief reminds us of our shared humanity, but it can also feel isolating if you don’t have the support you need. If you’re struggling to process a recent tragedy or find your footing in the aftermath, know that you don’t have to walk through it by yourself.
Join us for a grief/trauma processing group next week, on August 26th or 28th, to receive group support, validation, and coping skills to manage these feelings. You can learn more and sign up here. A portion of the proceeds from these groups will go to Katie Loewen and the family of Ashli Gilmour.
About the Author
Danielle Stoner Sampson is a licensed clinical social worker providing in-person and virtual therapy services in New York and Pennsylvania. She is experienced with providing compassionate trauma-focused therapy and couples therapy to clients who want to transform their lives.
